Chapter Index

1. New Years Blowout 2. Behind the Curtain 3. Behind the Curtain 4. New Kids on the Block

Kyle didn't expect this night to be as horrible as it was turning out to be. Not only did he hate the fact that his parents dragged him out here on a Saturday night, he specifically detested the Colorado Bar Association's Annual New Years Eve party with a passion that burned like a thousand suns. That was why, this year, he had a trick up his sleeve. This year, his parents' torturous party didn't seem so bad, and sitting amongst the crowd of geriatric egocentric assholes, his mouth twisted in a smirk as he leaned back in his seat to fish his cell phone out of his pocket.

Tilting his head up to make sure his parents were a good distance away from their marked table, Kyle breathed a sigh of relief before texting underneath the surface. /you're still coming over here right?/ Send. Kyle inhaled before sitting up straight again. Arms crossed over the tablecloth, he started tapping the fabric before noticing that he hadn't seen or heard from his brother ever since the dance music started up. Electric slide. Fun. Perhaps his mother had suckered Ike into dancing with one of the older ladies; he remembered the times when he was forced to make some grandmother's night by being their unfortunate dance partner. It was about time Ike paid his dues.

Yet before he even had the chance to investigate the dance floor for a possibly hilarious sight, his pocket started to vibrate. Eagerly getting up out of his seat, he made a bee line for the outside patio before bringing out his phone again. Checking the screen, Kyle gave an affirmative nod once he realized that it was indeed from the person who was supposed to throw a cog in tonight's boring festivities.

Cartman, of course. Throwing cogs into plans was his specialty, /I'm pulling up there as we speak, where the fuck should I park./

Now outside, Kyle glanced around the building to see if he could catch a glimpse of the fatass's car. There was no sign of it anywhere. Good.

/Far away. I don't want anyone seeing you or your car here./

A couple seconds later, with still no car, Kyle received another response. /Do they even know what it looks like?/

Kyle was not about to risk that, even if it meant he would have to wait longer for Cartman to haul his gargantuan ass up the slope to the lodge. /Like I'll take that chance.../ he replied, adjusting his tie as he took another deep breath. He didn't expect to feel so antsy about this whole thing, but then again this was Cartman. If Kyle's mother caught sight of him here she's have both of their heads on a fucking platter and serve them as hor'oderves tonight, so he was pretty sure his apprehension was well founded.

The next text took even less time. Kyle laughed at the screen which read, /Fuck you! That means I have to walk a fucking mile. You come down here Jewface if you're so fucking paranoid/.

At that comment, Kyle surveyed the grounds below to see if he could see any movement whatsoever. If Cartman said "down here" then he was already on his way, which meant Kyle needed to intercept him before anyone else did. Making his way down the patio stairs, Kyle quickly punched his response as he reached the landing, /I'll meet you outside okay? Why don't you bitch more./ He chortled, knowing that comment would set Cartman off.

Approaching the front of the building, Kyle received one more text as he rolled his eyes and, amused, brought his phone up to his face. /I swear to god Kyle if you don't put out tonight I'm going t-

"Kyle!"

His mother's voice immediately broke his train of thought, and not even finishing the text he shoved his phone back in his pocket to quickly whip his head around.

"Mom? What are you doing out here?" He then realized she could very well ask him the same question, so with a new resolve he met up with her while asking in a concerned voice, "You haven't seen Ike around, have you?"

"What do you think I'm out here for? One second he's chatting it up with the Madison's girl, and the next he's gone!" Sheila threw up her arms in aggravation, moving them down on her hips while her impatient foot tapping caused little dust clouds to emerge from the ground. " I swear to god, I already caught him texting TWICE tonight instead of being social like he promised me he'd be. One night. One night I ask him to leave his electronics at home, and of course he can't even do that for me. His mother of all people, where does he even learn this behavior?"

"I have no idea." Kyle replied quickly, his eyes twitching as he checked for any signs of Cartman. "But if I know Ike, he probably found the best hiding place. Regardless, I know he'll want to be well stocked on sweets if he's trying to hide away for the night. Why don't you check the dessert table and I'll try to give him a call?"

Sheila apparently thought this was a good enough suggestion, so with a little smirk she relaxed a bit before humming in agreement. "Good call. If the brownies are still there I know I haven't caught him yet. Bring him back in if he runs outside, and I don't want you out here for very long either! The Kelly's girl has been asking about you all night!" She informed, throwing him a hinting look before stomping back into the building.

"Yeah, I'll be back in there in a second." Kyle responded, watching her disappear into the hallway before taking a deep breath and texting back. /Get over here quick/.

He proceeded to walk back to the stairs, unwilling to be seen in front of the building now that Cartman was probably fast approaching. Then a new text, /I'm already walking up the god damn hill, where are you./

/In the back by the stairs, try to avoid walking in front of the building./ Kyle instructed, leaning against a wooden post once he got to the back of the building, adding /and get over here its cold as fuck./

The night was still compared to the chattering that was going on inside. Kyle much preferred the serenity of the cold mountainside to the mindless banter that he was subjected to for the hour or so before he concocted this little idea of his. After a couple moments to reflect quietly, however, the unmistakable sound of Cartman's breathing drew close as Kyle's taunting smile returned to him. "Took you long enough, I thought you had forgotten that I even asked you to do this."

Cartman didn't look bad himself. Though Kyle had this dumb ass party to go to, the larger boy didn't really have much of an excuse to look as dressed up as he was - nice jacket, pressed shit, silk tie and leather shoes to boot. The only reason he had to look this good was to impress Kyle, and that gesture did not go unnoticed.

Catching his breath, Cartman balanced himself against the side of the building before shooting Kyle a glare. "How could I forget, you reminded me every day this week to make sure I saved you from this party."

Standing up straight, the brunet smoothed out his jacket before walking up to the redhead. "So what, we're just leaving?"

"No I can't leave," Kyle replied with disdain, but laughed as he got right to the point.

"But, you can distract me," he suggested, suddenly reaching out to yank at Cartman's tie to breathe hotly into his face. "Head. Go."

Cartman's face lit up like a god damned Christmas tree at Kyle's forwardness, not just out of sheer amazement but also intense anger. He was the one who had to make the effort to come out here tonight, so he should be the one getting the fucking payment. "What?! I don't think so, Jew."

He took an additional step so he could loom over the other boy, ensuring his proper place. "I'm the one who came out HERE to relieve you of your boredom; I think a fucking reward is in order."

Yet Kyle wasn't buying into Cartman's machismo at all, and with an unimpressed grimace he eyed the boy once over before huffing, "Yeah: you get to suck my dick. So go for it."

"That is not how this works, you son of a bitch." Cartman started to rant, not moving out from Kyle's face as he pointed an index finger up to accentuate his insistence. "Do you know I missed out on Kenny's New Years Eve Party for this? He invited some bitches from Boulder and there was definitely going to be drunken lesbo make outs."

Kyle scoffed, "Are you kidding me? Are you saying you'd rather see some trashy sorostitutes shove their tongues down each other's throats than have a chance at hooking up with me tonight?"

"Point taken." Cartman backed down, resting his hands on Kyle's hips as he ground forward suggestively. "But I'm still not going down on you first. You're going down on me, end of discussion."

"No." Kyle pushed himself away from Cartman's assault, furrowing his brow once he was situated out of the other boy's reach. "Once a year I have to put up with my parents stupid friends, and every time I feel like I need to shoot myself in the face."

Stepping forward, he shoved his finger into the other boy's chest as he punctuated his demands. "I'm the one having the sucky night, so you're the one who has to do the sucking fatass."

Realizing that he was going to have to pay it forward in order to make Operation: Ball Drop a complete success, Eric exhaled before bracing himself against the other boy. Kyle might be the one getting off now, but Cartman would be the one getting his just desserts once the countdown started up.

"God, I hate you," he muttered, but then with a small smirk he started tugging at Kyle's fly.

"Likewise." Kyle shot back, entirely self-satisfied as he watched Cartman slide down to his knees.

-Soltian-

These victories made hooking up with someone as horrible as Eric Cartman worth it in the long run. The stupid asshole thought he was the one in control, but Kyle knew otherwise, and getting him to come out here in the dead of night to service him was definitely one of the highlights of this affair so far. Tilting his head back from the jolts of pleasure shooting up from his groin, Kyle was about to lose it until, to his horror, he heard a familiar voice sound out from the balcony overhead.

"Shit, stop it. STOP." Kyle pulled away, scrambling to redo his pants and calm himself down.

Cartman, who had been waiting to hear his Jew's delirious moans, was disappointed once he felt his face get pushed back. Dismayed, he wiped his lips clean with the cuff of his shirt before calling up to him, "What the fucks going on, you were almos-"

Kyle slapped him upside the head. "Shut up," he hissed, angling his head up in an attempt to see who his brother was talking to.

"So you're still coming?" Ike leaned over the wooden ledge, cell phone clutched in his hand as he listened to the person on the other end of the line. "Yeah. I avoided three definite cheek pinches and a conversation about potentially joining a softball league. Its improbable that I can keep ditching out like this before my mother eventually finds out my method of diversion, so take the car if you can."

Then everything went silent, but just as Kyle was about to say something, Ike perked up again, sounding much more excited this time as he called out into the darkness, "Really. That sounds promising."

"What the fuck is he even talking about?" Cartman asked from beneath Kyle's waistline, finally getting to his feet so that he could listen in as well. "He's got something lined up too? Who does he know that drives a God damn car?"

"Be quiet!" Kyle snapped back, clamping his hand onto Cartman's mouth.

Back on the balcony, Ike was wrapping up his conversation with a couple hurried lines to the mysterious receiver, "I have to go back inside, but it's in the far left corner in the back of the banquet hall. You get the fifty if it hits." The porch went silent again, but then they both heard the boy sigh as he ended the phone call. "Whatever, bye."

Cartman had no clue what to even make of that conversation, growing more confused as he heard Ike scurry from the porch back into the crowded building. Peering down at Kyle, he nudged the other boy's shoulder to see if he caught the one bit which threw him off the most. "If it hits? What's he even talking about?"

"I don't know, hopefully something he won't regret. He's smart enough not to do something rash or stupid." Kyle snapped back, willing himself to believe his own words.

"Alright." Eric responded, happy that this little interruption was well out of the way. "Well you obviously don't want me to finish. So it's your turn, Gingerpuss."

"Gingerpuss?" Kyle furrowed his brow, moving away from Cartman to walk back upstairs. "Shut the fuck up. I'm not even in the mood anymore, I have to get inside before my mom starts looking for me next." He sighed, pausing on the first step as he ran a hand through his hair. "Let alone the fact that I have to make sure Ike doesn't do something to piss her off even more."

"What?! FUCK THAT!" Cartman barked back, stomping towards the redhead before swinging him back around. "He's probably just talking about some fucking computer game or something, who the fuck cares!"

"I fucking care." Kyle batted the larger boy's arm out of the way, ready to fight if not for the worrisome feeling creeping up his spine. "Now that I think of it, that phone call was pretty concerning if he really knows someone who can drive and needs them to hit something. Doesn't that bother you?"

Cartman couldn't help but hold back a laugh. "No! I hit eleven fucking people with a car when I was his age, did that bother me?"

Eyes narrowing, Kyle could feel his patience start to dwindle as he balled his hands in tight fists."No it didn't, and that's why you're going home right now." He stormed up the steps, refusing to look back down at the boy behind him. "You're such an insensitive fucking moron."

"SCREW YOU KYLE. See if I EVER drive to assfuck nowhere for your sorry ass again!" Cartman threatened, half tempted to chase him down. But as he looked up the stairs, his Jew was nowhere to be seen, presumably already inside with all the other uppity douchebags.

Walking back to his car alone, Cartman fumed over his poor luck tonight. He couldn't believe he had his heart set on getting Kyle to suck him off at the stroke of midnight just to have the whole plan crumble. Happy New Year indeed; it was already looking like a complete bust. Not only was Cartman freezing his balls off, but he was frustrated to the point where he was debating whether he should just relieve himself in his fucking car.

Grumbling, Cartman was too focused on feeling humiliated to notice that someone was running up the darkened slope and heading right towards him. Only when he heard the footsteps did he look up in time to see a kid ram directly into his gut.

"Jesus Tittyfucking Christ!" Cartman shouted before stumbling back a bit, watching as the kid literally ricocheted off his stomach then onto the frozen ground. "Watch where you're going, fucker!"

The kid however seemed more upset about the package that dropped to the ground, scrambling to pick it back up before responding, "Sorry, it's not my fault the road is only so big and you nearly take up all of it."

Cartman was taken aback, surprised that this little fucker was actually giving him lip when he was the one who got pushed! The kid looked like a trouble-maker anyway, clearly this puny punk was asking for a fight. He obliged by clenching his hands into prepared fists, "What did you just say to me?"

"Out of my way!" The punk shouted back, ignoring the threat as he whisked past Cartman. "I've got a deadline to catch!"

"Deadline?" Cartman turned around and watched the kid race up the hill before he decided to investigate. He needed a distraction anyway, and figuring out just what was inside that package was good enough for now. "Just who are you and what the fuck are you doing here."

The kid was currently crouched down a good distance away from the building, pulling a cylinder-like object out of the box before setting it on a makeshift stand. "Mind your own business Tubby, I could ask you the same thing."

"Don't even bother." Cartman huffed and rolled his eyes at the same time, suddenly noticing that the cylinder had a pointed nozzle and a fuse attached to it. "Wait is that a rocket?"

The goth kid merely snickered. "No, it's actually my dick, but I get that a lot so it's no problem."

Screwing his brow up in disgust, Cartman was about to kick Emo McGee right in the face before noticing that the the rocket was pointed at the dining hall's window. "Wait wait, hold on. You're not actually aiming for the god damn building are you?"

"No, I'm aiming it for your head but I can't seem to find it."

That about did it for Cartman. "Shut it kid, I'm getting sick of your shit!"

"Like I give a fuck." The goth snapped back, eying up the body of the projectile one more time. Once satisfied with the angle, the kid cracked a mischievous grin before lighting the fuse. "I'd get out of here if I were you though."

Cartman couldn't believe that the kid actually lit the fucking thing, not knowing what the hell he should even do about this situation as he asked, "What the fuck is that rocket even supposed to do?!"

"Cure Cancer! What do you think, dumbass?" Backing up several feet, the kid grabbed a hold of Cartman's coat to yank him away before shoving a switchblade towards his throat."Touch it and you're going to be needing stitches, Fatty."

"Woah, punk." Cartman held his hands up before adding, shakily, "Just let me make a god damn phone call before you blow up the place. I don't care what you do to that fucking building but there's someone I'd like to warn first."

Still keeping the knife aimed at the larger boy's throat, the goth kid proceeded to direct Cartman back down the hill as the sound of people counting down echoed from out behind them. "The place isn't going to blow up, dumbass, but everyone will evacuate."

Just as Cartman was going to bat the stupid fucker's knife away and give him a piece of his mind, he honed in on what the little twerp just said. "They'll what?"

Yet before the kid could answer, the fuse ended and the rocket's tail lit up in a fiery trail, whizzing from its stand straight into the glass window. After the sound of broken glass pierced the relatively silent mountainside, numerous screams started emanating from inside before the fire alarm subsequently went off.

Cartman stood back, completely aghast at what was taking place as he mumbled, "Did you jus... did you just light the fucking place on fire?"

He whipped his head around, expecting to see the kid still next to him, but found himself alone. "Where the fuck did that little shit go?"

Then, just as he was about to question the existence of ghosts, his cell phone vibrated furiously in his pocket. A text from Kyle. /what the hell did you just do/.

Suddenly realizing that he could be the one to blame for this incident, Cartman took one last look at the smoking building before stumbling down the slope. /I swear to god Kyle it wasn't me, meet me by my car on the bottom of the hill. I'll explain everything./

Kyle took all of one minute to race down the hill to give the fatass what was coming to him. A rocket landing in the Tavern's Christmas Tree at the stroke of midnight? Sure sounded like something Cartman would do, and Kyle was prepared to wipe that scumbag's dirty smirk off his face once they met up again.

What Kyle wasn't prepared for was the look of confusion on Cartman's face once he finally reached the parked silver Camry. Cartman looked genuinely perplexed as he watched the firetruck ascend the steep mountainside. Kyle didn't know if Cartman's confusion was because his bullshit plan actually worked or if he really had no idea what was going on. "You better start explaining. It's been practically ten years since I've seen this kind of shit happen around here, I thought I would never have to deal with this again!"

"It was this kid!" Cartman blurted, proceeding to give a totally unbelievable explanation of a mysterious goth kid and a bottle rocket. The whole thing sounded fishy, especially when the larger boy finally took a deep breath and added, "And then the kid just disappeared!"

Kyle wasn't buying it. The convenience of having this all happen the moment they parted was one thing, but having the suspect just "vanish" after all was said and done? Clearly Cartman thought Kyle was the stupidest person on Earth.

"Uh huh. Right." He dismissed while leaning against the car, but then decided to humor him with a smirk. "What did this kid look like."

"Black hair, dark eyes, black clothes, black finger nail polish, around Ike's age and had a bad ass attitude." Cartman rolled off immediately, sneering at that last part.

Though Cartman's could have just described any old hooligan he could pass the blame onto, the mention of Ike reminded Kyle of the phone call they overheard on the balcony. Not only that, but Kyle would often catch glimpses of a kid who matched that exact description hanging around his little brother. That gave Kyle a moment of pause, and he brought his hand up to his mouth to ponder over the possibility of Ike's involvement in this matter.

Cartman noticed Kyle's sudden change, so he stepped closer to the other boy in an attempt to dismiss the whole thing altogether.

"Yeah it was weird, but now you're out of that ungodly party! I think that calls for our own New Years Celebration..." he trailed off, shooting Kyle a suggestive grin before opening the back seat in invitation.

Kyle just laughed, "No thanks, I have to go back up before my parents freak out."

"What!?Fuck them! I thought you wanted to get away from them tonight. You can't still be mad at me..."

"I can too! I don't even know if you're responsible or not, but for some reason I actually believe you." Kyle knew why too, it was that kid he described. The more he thought about it, the more he recalled fleeting images of a little black clothed punk hanging around whenever he picked Ike up from school, but he didn't know that they were actually acquainted. Why would someone as smart as Ike hang around some delinquent?

Instead of dwelling on that mystery, Kyle turned his attention back to Cartman so that he could berate him some more, "Yet it's a little disappointing actually, since it sounds like something you'd do." he huffed. "Risk everyone's lives so I'd get out of there and give you head? Where'd my asshole go?"

Cartman couldn't help but laugh at that, despite the fact that Kyle probably meant it as an insult. He smiled, tugging the redhead closer to rustle up his hair. "Fuck you, he hasn't gone anywhere. If that kid hadn't done it I would have busted you out some other way."

Though Kyle hated it when Cartman treated him like some doll, he certainly loved putting him back in his place. He did so with a parting hip bump, knocking the larger boy off balance causing him to fall back against his car. "Sure you would've." he laughed, "I guess we'll finish what you started after second period, same time same place."

"I'll hold you to it." Cartman snapped back, regaining his balance before getting back into his car to blow this whole scene.

Kyle flipped off Cartman's car on his way out of the driveway, and in turn the fatass honked his horn at him. Shaking his head, he tried incredibly hard to hide the dumb grin plastered across his face. This was no time to be smiling, so he tried to focus on something else before he reached the top of the hill.

That 'something else' came pretty quickly as soon as he spotted two figures moving behind the brush to his left. Not knowing what to expect, Kyle ducked slightly before moving in closer, scrunching his eyes in an attempt to narrow in on the two people.

To his surprise, one of them was Ike. The other he wasn't sure of at first, but on closer inspection, he could make out that the kid had an emo hair flip and was wearing dark clothes.

Kyle was taken aback. He couldn't believe that Cartman was actually telling the truth, for once. Not only that, but now his suspicions were confirmed - he had seen this kid before, and he was sure Ike had something to do with that rocket attack.

He believed it even more once Ike hand something over, probably that fifty dollars since the thing hit.

Whatever they were up to, it didn't last long since the kid scrammed after receiving payment. Then, once Ike started to emerge from the woods, Kyle decided to call him out on this suspicious meeting without even a moment's hesitation. "Who was that?"

Ike was completely caught off guard, almost falling as he stopped in his tracks to face his older brother. "Nobody you need to concern yourself with," he replied immediately. "Just tell me this, are you happy this night ended early?"

"Yeah, but-"

"You're welcome." Ike deliberately cut him off, not willing to answer any more questions in fear that Kyle would keep prying. All he knew was that he didn't have to deal with any more cheek pinches or awkward attempts to sign him up for shit tonight, so this was a 'Mission Accomplished' as far as he was concerned.

Kyle, however, wasn't too confident in how this whole night ended, but reluctantly followed his younger brother back up the hill to join his parents. Thankfully, both boys were inside the building when the rocket hit the tree, so the cops skipped over them, leaving the Broflovskis free to go back home.

On their way back, Sheila took total control over the conversation by criticizing both boys on their anti-social behavior tonight... after of course, thanking God that everyone was okay. This left Ike free of any and all questioning from Kyle about what he knew.

Despite Ike's assurances, Kyle wasn't done with this at all. One way or another, he'd find out who that fucking kid was and what the hell was going on with his baby brother.

 

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